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There are two kinds of people in the world, those who put people in two categories and those that don’t. (If you are laughing uproariously at this point, join the club. I think that is hilarious. If you have a quizzical look on your face, never mind). A buddy of mine (Demitrius but he goes by Walter!?) and I were in the airport several years ago. He overheard me on the phone and proceeded to lecture me about being too wishy-washy. Evidently, I sounded indecisive. That sparked the following conversation and observations.   

Porous People 

Some people are porous. They have no real clear sense of self. They are defined by other people and consequently are constantly up for redefinition. People come and go through them at will. They are on a constant emotional roller coaster determined by how other people are viewing and reacting to them at the moment. Porous people get stepped on a lot. They get run over. There are very few anchors in their life except maybe the desperate desire for approval that keeps them in constant turmoil. Porous people are emotionally reactive. 

Solid People 

Bill Cosby said, "I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody. " Solid people have a strong sense of who they are and what they want. They are self-defined not other defined. They make decisions based on what they believe is right and in there best interest instead of what the crowd seems to be doing or pressure from others. These are the people who can stay home when others are going out or go out when others are staying home. They have opinions, make independent decisions, and are not threatened or controlled by others. Their self-worth is not determined by others.   


Solid people are infinitely more attractive. A self is more attractive than a no self. It is ironic that the very thing some people do to fit in and be accepted (go along to get along) makes them less attractive. Confidence (not to be confused with bravado) is a powerful aphrodisiac and magnet. When we meet someone with a strong sense of self we are drawn to them because we don’t have to worry about being overcome by them or sucking us dry with their neediness.  


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